I've been in love with you for a while now. It's almost creepy how long. I never told you, because I'm not a person who takes control of my life. I've allowed the world to break me and since then I just float to its whims. My status as a student had always been unsure. I felt that I had no control over whether or not I would physically be with you. I was waiting for the perfect opportunity. The truth is perfect opportunities don't exist on their own, they must be made. You were reason enough to make such an opportunity, for me to take control of my life, but I was scared. To place my desire to really live on whether or not you loved me in return was a scary proposition and a perhaps unfair to you. And now I am exiled from your city, still too afraid of life to return to you.

In truth I don't know why I'm feel the way I feel towards you. Besides our faith we have very little in common, and even with our faith I wonder what exactly it is that we share. Our conversations have always been shallow. I don't blame you though. I've avoided sharing anything meaningful with you. Anything meaningful would have brought us closer together and it would have made separation all that more painful. Of course I assumed that we would go separate ways.

Now I hear that you have fallen for someone else. It was inevitable. I was and am still a coward and there is no reason to wait for me. I do wonder if you were waiting for me to say something, to do something, but I don't know if I really want to know.

I'm so emo I want to punch myself in the face.

... with a bullet.