I'm realizing that I'm not lazy, rather I'm fearful. I'm afraid of interacting with people.
My biggest fear is bothering people with by problems. I learned to not talk to others about my problems, because no one cares, it'll burden the person I'm telling it to, and talking about it produces no solutions anyways. Where did I learn this? I don't know. How do I unlearn it? I guess I should just talk to more people and learn that most people to do care, that it wouldn't burden my friends, and that sometimes people will suggest a solution I might actually like. Or was I right in the first place?
Another fear that is dissolving is fear of judgment. I really don't like to be judge I'll go so far as leave the building you are in if I feel that you are about to judge me. Most people don't judge though, or at least judgment is always passed on misunderstandings of me or the world. Having conversations with people will help ameliorate that.
I guess that's the key, to have conversations, but I don't want to bother anyone. Somewhere I learned that it would be better if I was a ghost. Doing good with no one noticing me.
So much to unlearn.
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