I've been in love with you for a while now. It's almost creepy how long. I never told you, because I'm not a person who takes control of my life. I've allowed the world to break me and since then I just float to its whims. My status as a student had always been unsure. I felt that I had no control over whether or not I would physically be with you. I was waiting for the perfect opportunity. The truth is perfect opportunities don't exist on their own, they must be made. You were reason enough to make such an opportunity, for me to take control of my life, but I was scared. To place my desire to really live on whether or not you loved me in return was a scary proposition and a perhaps unfair to you. And now I am exiled from your city, still too afraid of life to return to you.

In truth I don't know why I'm feel the way I feel towards you. Besides our faith we have very little in common, and even with our faith I wonder what exactly it is that we share. Our conversations have always been shallow. I don't blame you though. I've avoided sharing anything meaningful with you. Anything meaningful would have brought us closer together and it would have made separation all that more painful. Of course I assumed that we would go separate ways.

Now I hear that you have fallen for someone else. It was inevitable. I was and am still a coward and there is no reason to wait for me. I do wonder if you were waiting for me to say something, to do something, but I don't know if I really want to know.

I'm so emo I want to punch myself in the face.

... with a bullet.

Maybe I've always been psychotic. Maybe I've always been anti-social. And by anti-social I mean I hate society. I want to destroy everything for no apparent reason. So why don't I destroy everything? Like everything else it seems like too much trouble and I just don't care enough to go through that trouble. Besides, I'm doing a fine job of destroying things on my end.

I'm really fucking angry, and again wonder when have I truly not been?

It seems hard for people to understand that a religion and a religious organization are two different things. A religion is a set of philosophies, ideas, and principles, usually to help understand and manage the human condition. A religious organization is an organization that claims to believe in a religion. Religions are very rarely bad. In fact every religion probably has something good that can help with understanding the human condition. Religious organizations on the other hand are often full of problems, because the organization is made up of people, and, in general, people will take advantage of people. Ideas, philosophies, principles can't take advantage of people in the same way.